Paranormal Activities Unit Read online

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  Will and Emily sat nervously on a pea soup green vinyl couch in a one room office in the industrial section of their small Montana town. It was probably a comfy couch if you leaned back into it, but they were on the edge of their seats, literally.

  The suited man from the hospital had just invited them into his office. Out of curiosity, they had decided to hear his strange offer. His card told them his name was Mr Dorand. That was all. A grumpy gray-haired woman in jeans and a flannel shirt had let them in and asked them to sit down. She was now in an adjoining room typing away. Finally Mr. Dorand wandered in, carrying a cup of coffee in one hand and files tucked under his arm. He looked at them as he came in, with half boredom and half smirk on his face. A look a magician might have before showing you what he thinks will be an awe-inspiring trick. But maybe Mr. Dorand had done the trick so many times, no reaction could truly surprise him.

  He set the files down on a desk across the room and took a sip of the coffee. Then he set that down too. Then, like a professor, he began a lecture with a sort of rushed "let's just get this part out of the way" kind of voice. No greetings, no introduction.

  "In 1996, the United States government released a technology it had been working on secretly for decades. The purpose of the technology was to attract extraterrestrial life forms to us so we could study them. Since 1947 and Roswell, the government has had and studied alien technology and biological entities. The new technology was a small stamp made up of nano-transmitters, held inside a special ink that magnified and protected their function. It was discovered this stamp was fairly inexpensive to make in bulk and the stamp was placed inside many different objects in production at the time: microwaves, pianos, DVD players, couches, lamps, TV's, whathaveyou. It was believed this project was just an experiment, with small chance of success, but a worthy endeavor, nonetheless. It had a side effect we could never have predicted at the time. Being men—and women—of science, we of course had no thought to paranormal things, such as ghosts, goblins, werewolves, demons, etc.

  "Instead of attracting aliens, our carefully laid out program attracted something else. Paranormal creatures of every type and variety, and in droves. By the time it was discovered what the cause of the activity was, it was too late. Production and stamping of the technology was halted, of course, but now we needed a way to stop the onslaught of supernatural attacks and occurrences on our world. " At this point Dorand paused to glance at the two listeners, to see how they were reacting to this news.

  They sat on the couch, dead still, both with their mouths slightly open, with looks of incredulity and curiosity on their faces. They didn't completely believe quite yet, but were so engrossed in the story, they couldn't not hear the end. They endured his pause in the story with expectant silence.

  Dorand loved this part of his job. The part when it became clear his listeners were entranced. He continued. "A recall was out of the question, of course. There would be no way to explain it. So many different types of product, and on such a massive scale. The expense would also be ridiculous. The best we could do was create another project, meant to cover up the unfortunate effects of the first. This necessitated the creation of another branch of employment within the secret agency that governs this project and those of its type. Paranormal Activities Unit. Formerly called Paranormal Unit, or PU. A name which fortunately was changed fairly quickly because of extreme embarrassment." At this the couple gave a small distracted chuckle, still engrossed in the story. "The Paranormal Activities Units, PAU's, are charged with finding paranormal activity where it may occur, stopping or redirecting it, and erasing the memories of any witnesses to such events. The PAU must work in secret, and any unusual activity or methods used to halt such activity must also be kept a secret.

  "To this end, we have developed a few types of new technology. Objects meant to facilitate the finding of, and managing of, paranormal activity. Any questions so far?" He looked at them with eyebrows raised, as if he expected none, as usual. He was not surprised. Will shook his head quickly and Emily said a quiet "No." Both still looking at him like children gathered around someone reading a delightful children's book.

  Dorand paused for a moment to clear his throat and take another sip of his no longer piping hot, but still warm, coffee. He took a breath, and continued.

  "Along with countless ancillary devices, there are four basic tiny machines you will need to know about and use in your work, if you choose to accept positions in a Paranormal Activities Unit, which is what I'm offering you today. The first is a Paranormal Activity Alarm. Very sophisticated. Meant to be set up in your home, but also portable. A small alarm that sounds like a music box goes off when paranormal activity is detected in the area of your jurisdiction. The music box sound is meant to hide its true nature from those not in the know who may be in your home at the time. The alarm will also display the geographic location of the anomaly, longitude and latitude, so it will be easy to find. Taking the alarm with you will also show you your location and help you locate the site of unusual activity. The second piece of equipment is this." He actually walked around his desk, opened a drawer, and pulled out the strange object for them to look at this time. It looked sort of like a black shoe horn, but thicker, and with a few tiny flashing lights at the top. "This is—" At this point Will burst out laughing.

  Emily looked startled, but then smiled at her howling husband. He was doubled over, laughing uncontrollably. Tears streaming down his face. Em laughed a little too, but mostly stared with wonder and a little worry at her hysterical husband.

  Will finally came up for air, and looked at them both, "I'm sorry," he said, still chuckling. "I just can't believe I listened to it this long. But the techno shoe horn—oh, my God," He started laughing again. "I just can't believe we are sitting here listening to this story. For a moment I forgot I wasn't in a science fiction novel. That is a classic touch, though, really, the gadget."

  Emily looked a little sheepish now for believing in the story too for so long. Dorand looked unaffected by the outburst. It was one of many reactions he'd seen to this tale since the project began. He merely looked from one to the other and said simply, "Shall I go on?"

  Will tried to suppress his laughter and said, "Yes, of course." He leaned back into the comfy couch now, as Emily had done moments before, both comfortable enough now to relax in this strange man's office, for some reason. Will let out a few more suppressed snickers as Mr. Dorand continued his unusual tale.

  "This," Dorand held up the shoe horn gadget again, to Will's increased peeps of escaped laughter, "Is a Veil Sealer. The hum of the stamp technology creates tears in the veil between this reality and others, mostly the veil between this plane and the afterlife, or other side. Spirits, or ghosts, pass through these tears and become visible to living people. The spirits are encouraged back through the tear and the tear is sealed with this." He shook the sealer for emphasis, then set it down. "The Veil Sealer will also read life forms in the area, to tell you if you have missed any. But as of yet we have no machine that tells the difference between living and deceased entities. You will have to use your own judgement and experiences to discover this. As a hint, I will tell you, ghosts have no physical presence and can be gone through. Walked through, wiggle your hands through, whatever." Will let a peep of laughter escape again, and Emily smiled at him.

  Dorand grabbed another object from the drawer and held it up to examine it. "This," he said, "may be the most important of the gadgets at your disposal. It is a... tranquilizer." They looked at him with seriousness and renewed interest now. Who or what would they be knocking out? "Together with the Memory Eraser," which he quickly lifted from the drawer and waved at them briefly, a smallish box shaped object, "you will take memories of paranormal events from people's minds. So no mass panic will erupt, and no unnecessary public knowledge of our secret agencies' programs will occur."

  They stared at the tranquilizer, which he still held in his hand. It looked li
ke a small dull grayish metal squirt gun. But rounder, almost like an egg, more toward that shape. He knew he had their rapt attention again. More than ever before. He smiled. "A small pellet is discharged when the trigger is pulled. The pellet contains the tranquilizing agent and erupts just under the skin of the person it is fired at. The wound it leaves looks like a small insect bite. The drug works immediately. It gives the person the sudden urge to lay down, to avoid unnecessary injuries. Then they are unconscious. The effects last for 15 to 20 minutes. The drug also erases the memory of the person from just before the pellet hits them to just after they arise and take whatever position they were in before. Sitting, standing..." At this point he took another tranquilizer gun from the desk drawer, identical to the first. "Just to give you an idea of what this feels like—" He suddenly turned to them and shot them both at once. They immediately closed their eyes and slumped where they sat in the comfy couch. Dorand chuckled happily and set the guns aside, and went to eat his lunch.